Reader's Jokes - Biting Boobs

This joke comes from Jonathon in Corpus Christi, Texas.  Thanks and keep those jokes coming in!

An old man is walking down the street when he sees a beautiful brunette walk by with a truly gigantic set of knockers. He turns around and catches up to the woman and says to her: "I'll give you $100 to let me bite your boobs" "Get away from me you perv!" she shouts back and continues walking. The old man catches up to her again and says: "I'll give you $1,000 to bite your boobs" "I said no!" she replies and walks away. The old man catches up to her again and says: "I'll give you $10,000 to bite your boobs. The lady thinks about it for a bit and decides that $10,000 dollars is a lot of money so she might as well do it. So she flips up her shirt and removes her bra. The old man begins touching and feeling and squishing the boobs in his hands. After a while the lady says: "Well are you gonna bite them?" The old man replies: "Nah, too expensive."

 :  Here are our other "Reader's Jokes."  Send those jokes in and we will try and post them ASAP.  Email your jokes to semi.madman@gmail.com.  THANKS!!!

Penis Van Lesbian

Another one of Our Reader's Jokes.  This one comes from Dennis in California.  Not sure if Dick Van Dyke would like this one:

Back in the 50's, a man walked into a Hollywood agent's office. He told the agent that he wanted to be a big star and that he wanted the agent to represent him. The agent asked the man's name, to which he proudly replied, "Penis Van Lesbian." Taken aback, the agent said, "If you want to be a big star, you will have to change your name." The man, somewhat offended, told the agent, "The Van Lesbian name goes back centuries and I am very proud of my name! I will never change my name! Ever!" "Then I won't be able to represent you." Said the agent. "Then good day to you, sir!" The man yelled as he stormed out of the office.

Five years later, the agent received a letter along with a check for $50,000, written out to him. He wondered if it was sent to him by mistake until he read the letter.

The letter said,
Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis Van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice..
Sincerely,
Dick Van Dyke

Here are our other "Reader's Jokes."  Send those jokes in and we will try and post them ASAP.  Email your jokes to semi.madman@gmail.com.  THANKS!!!

Irish Birth Control

Another great joke sent to us by our readers. This one was forwarded to me by our new blog writer, Ng. I am half Irish and I am laughing!!!

Here are our other "Reader's Jokes." Send those jokes in and we will try and post them ASAP. Email your jokes to semi.madman@gmail.com. THANKS!!!

Irish Birth Control Mrs. Donovan was walking down  O'Connell Street in Dublin when  She met up with Father Flaherty.  The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin'  To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan  And didn't I marry ye and yer  Hoosband two years ago?'  She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'  The Father asked, 'And be there  Any wee little ones yet?'  She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'  The Father said, 'Well now,  I'm going to Rome next week  And I'll light a fertility candle for ye  And yer hoosband.'  She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'  They then parted ways..  Some years later they met again.  The Father asked, 'Well now,  Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'  She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'  The Father asked, 'And tell me ,  Have ye any wee ones yet?'  She replied, 'Oh yes, Father!  Two sets of twins and six singles,  Ten in all!'  The Father said, 'That's wonderful!  And how is yer loving hoosband doing?' >  She replied, 'E's gone to Rome  To blow out yer  candle.'

Reader's Jokes - A Teacher, a Priest and a Soldier in a Helicpoter

Another readers sent us in a joke. This new series of posts are up and running. See below for the email address to send in your joke. Thanks to Larry P. in Wheeling, West Virginia for this one!

A priest, an army man, and a teacher are all in a helicopter. The helicopter starts to go down, so the pilot says quick everybody through anything you have on you to lighten the chopper! So the teacher throws her apple, the priest throws his bible, and the army man throws his grenade. The helicopter lands safely, and the army man starts walking around when he sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" The little girl answers, "an apple fell out of no where and hit me in the head!" The army man continues walking until he stumbles upon another crying girl. " little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" The girl responds, "a bible came out of no where and hit me in the head!" The army man is walking again and sees a little boy rolling around laughing. He walks up to the boy and asks, "little boy, little boy, why are you laughing so hard?" The boy laughs and says, "my grandpa farted, and the house behind him blew up!"

 Here are our other "Reader's Jokes."  Send those jokes in and we will try and post them ASAP.  Email your jokes to semi.madman@gmail.com.  THANKS!!!

Reader's Jokes

We have been getting alot of jokes sent to us recently.  So many in fact that we are starting a new series of posts called "Reader's Jokes."  Send those jokes in and we will try and post them ASAP.  Email your jokes to semi.madman@gmail.com.  THANKS!!!

Our first joke is from Christian who lives in Germany. 

A German guy is at the French border.

The French customs officer asks him some questions.

-Name?

-Karl Schmidt.

-Place of Residence?

-Munich.

-Occupation?

-Oh, no, no. I'm just visiting.